Marketing IS like dating, but…

I was having a conversation with a newly single photographer recently and he said that he thought that marketing was maybe like dating. I laughed because I have been saying that for years and have even been given some shit for that position. But I’m telling you, marketing is very much like dating.

Then I thought about why so many photographers don’t get that, or fight it. Then it dawned on me: marketing in your photo business is like dating; but this time, you’re the girl.

Since most photographers are still male, and mostly heterosexual males, this means they have no idea what it’s like from this position! It also explains why so often my female clients “get it” faster. We’ve been there! This is our “natural” state of being in the social world and now that marketing is so incredibly enmeshed with social (hello, there’s a reason they call it social media, people), we girls get how it works even faster. Guys, therefore, need to catch up a bit.

So, here are a few basic “rules” to get you guys started:

1. You have to put yourself out there. The world will not beat a path to your door no matter how fabulous you are, you have to go out there and let the world know you’re available. Go to events where your targets go, send promos, have a great website, etc.
2. Put yourself out there, but don’t put out. Doing the first one for free or a discount is like having sex on the first date, before even getting dinner. I don’t care how hot your target is, you just can’t. You may really, really want it, but you have to respect yourself to be respected by others, so just say “no” when asked (or even begged).
3. Dress for the date. If you are going out in public with any chance of being seen by potential clients (like going to lunch or for drinks with friends to a trendy place), dress up more. If you are going for a client meeting, really pay attention to the details of grooming and tailoring. I don’t care if your “date” is dressed like a slob, you’d better look fabulous.
4. Debbie Downer and Donna Desperate are never sexy. If you have been sending promos and are making calls to get a meeting, don’t sound desperate and, if you get a “No, I’m too busy,” say “Thanks anyway. Mind if I call you again in a month or two?” And if you get a meeting, at that meeting do not ever ask “Do you have a job for me?”
   Be upbeat and respect yourself. You’re a successful photographer–even if business has sucked lately, you have something to offer that no one else does–the way you think and see. Head up, smile, and never beg for attention or work. There are other fish in the sea.
5. Stalking never works. Guys, you know you hate it when some girl comments on every post you make on Facebook, or shows up where you go “accidentally,” or calls (or texts), like, every day even though you never answer. Same for buyers. It’s not cute, it’s scary. Have a schedule for your marketing efforts and stick to it.
   Gather data by following targets on Facebook, etc., but use that behind the scenes, so to speak. For example, if you know that a target’s birthday is coming up (thank you Facebook) you can send them a print with a happy birthday note. Do not, however, show up at the family party uninvited. (eek!)
6. Be interesting, sure, but more importantly, be interested. Okay, I may be violating girl-code here by telling y’all this, but it’s always better to encourage the person you are flirting with to talk about himself than to talk about yourself too much. Asking questions, listening, smiling & nodding, asking good follow-ups… all important. Don’t be a fawning lump (no one likes someone who has no opinions or stories to tell!)–but do encourage your target to open up and share.
7. Don’t sit by the phone. Okay, our phones are on us all the time but we don’t have to answer them 24/7–not for dates and not for business. I’ve said for years the best way to get a gig is to go on a vacation, and that is true. Being a little less available makes you look desirable and not desperate. Don’t answer the phone for business calls on weekends or off hours… it can go to voicemail and you can listen to it and choose for yourself whether it is a real emergency or something that can wait until Monday morning.
8. Don’t try to pick up the check on the first date. You’re the girl, remember, and sexist or not, if the guy asks you out, he should be paying for the date. In marketing, this is much like #2 above–here I mean don’t offer a discount in the attempt to get a project. It also makes you look desperate (see #4). If you get asked to estimate on a project, don’t think about how cheaply you can do it–think about the value you bring to the project and price accordingly.
9. Show a little leg. Like #1, you have to put yourself out there and you should do that in your marketing by showing your best work. But, don’t put it all out there (on your website or whatever). Keep some goodies in your print book only (or at least in a private electronic format like a pdf or something) so that you have something special to “put out” to those who make the effort to respond to your flirtations. Oh, and your best work is often your personal work so don’t be afraid to reveal some of that “leg.” Targets love to see the real you in your work–that is going to show in your personal work most of all.
10. Don’t lie. If you lie, you break trust and you will never build a relationship. Again, remember you are the girl in this paradigm and you want (eek!) a relationship, not just a bunch of notches in your bedpost. Lie once and you have quite probably no shot at ever “getting in bed” with this target. Ever. Be honest about who you are, what you want to do creatively, what your capabilities are, what you bring to the relationship, why you are attracted to your target… everything. You can spin the facts to make them look as positive as you can (kind of like wearing makeup), but do not lie.
    For example, if you haven’t had a paying project in six months and your target asks how things have been, you can answer “Good. Busy.” Why? Because you have been busy trying to get work and that’s good! But if the client follows up with “Who have you shot for in the past six months, you should say “I’ve been working on personal projects” rather than lie and say you shot for Bob’s House o’ Widgets or whatever. The truth will out, as they say. It’s not worth it.

So, with those ten starter tips in mind, go out there and flirt… er, market!